Lick The Spoon Clean

Being the token cook of the group, I was “volunteered” to enter our 1st Annual Chili Cook-off at work. Do you know what that means? I had to make 1 to 2 GALLONS of boiling hot chili…oh and it better be delicious or you’ll make the team look like a failure. Awesome. The fear of 500 people telling you how much your chili sucks is now on your shoulders – if that’s not pressure I don’t know what pressure is. In freaking out over this huge task, I pulled out every cookbook I own from the cabinet and began to viciously read recipes for inspiration. I don’t even know how to make chili. Imagine that – a Texas girl who has never made chili. It’s almost criminal. After giving up several times, pacing back and forth, and nervously snacking in between…it hit me. Since I am quite rebellious and everyone else in Texas makes beef chili…why don’t I make a white chili? For those of you who aren’t familiar with “white chili”, this version is made with chicken, white beans, and veggies rather than the usual beef (or pork) and red beans. Daring to be different, I thought, “Why not turn my Tomatillo Pepper Chicken stew into a chili?!” As farfetched as that did sound, it was my only hope. Before I knew it, it was the night before the big competition. Game Time. I could seriously write a whole novel about my legendary experience in preparing this chili. Instead I have decided to spare you and give you a timeline to give you a snapshot of the agony I went through in those trying 18 hours. Let’s start from the beginning…

Monday, the night before the cook-off

5:00 pm Started pulling out the mass amount of food I just bought at the store. My poor grocery cart felt so violated. Never have I seen so much food in my life. Word of the moment: Terrified.

5:15 pm Seasoned the biggest 6 chicken breast halves I could find with olive oil, cayenne pepper, salt, and pepper. They are larger than my hand. I think one might eat me. Preheated the oven to 350 degrees.

5:30 pm I barely managed to shove the chicken onto a cookie sheet and into the oven. Crossed my fingers and prayed for the perfect chicken.

5:35 pm With more vegetables to chop than a whole garden, I got to work. Without squeezing out a single tear, I diced 2 sweet onions and minced 9 cloves of garlic – in 2 batches because that’s a whole lot of onion. I then scooped the massive piles of onion and garlic into a bowl to clear the way for even MORE chopping. Not even CLOSE to being done!

6:05 pm After intently watching the chicken bake inside the oven, the chicken looked done after 35 minutes. I quickly pulled the chicken out and found space on the counter to cool.

No way in hell was I cutting into my precious babies and releasing all that juicy goodness out. It would cook in the damn pot anyway if it wasn’t done (don’t worry – they were perfectly cooked).

6:10 pm Pumped up the heat up to 450 degrees. God, I hope I don’t burn myself. Washed 1 poblano, 1 hatch, and 2 red bell peppers. Pulled out another cookie sheet and sprayed with a massive amount of non-stick spray. Placed the peppers on the cookie sheet and coated with olive oil.

6:20 pm Oven ready! Slid the peppers in to get them all roasted and HOT HOT HOT!

The next 30 minutes was a living hell…

6:22 pm Fire detector went off. Damn I forgot to put the stove’s vent on. Flipped the vent on HIGH. Fanned off the detector.
6:23 pm It went off again. UGH! Opened the bedroom window.
6:24 pm 3rd time’s a charm. Opened every window in the apartment.
6:25 pm ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? Decided to stand up on the chair and continuously fan off the detector.
6:30 pm Arm got tired. It’ll be fine.
6:31 pm NOOOOO! Back to fanning.
6:36 pm Fell off the chair. I have witnesses.
6:40 pm Stopped for a minute. Need a break.
6:41 pm Bad idea. Snoopy now shaking scared underneath the desk.
6:45 pm Meltdown while standing on the chair. Vowed never to make chili again.
6:50 pm So pissed. I need a drink.
6:52 pm DONE! Ready or not! Here they come!

7:00 pm Sliced 2 roma and 2 slicing (regular) tomatoes. Spread out on a cookie sheet (yes, sprayed heavy with non-stick spray). Coated the tops with olive oil and sprinkled with salt and pepper. Never done this before…

7:05 pm Stuck the tomatoes in the (still) 450 degree oven. Please don’t let the alarm go off again. Bravely turned off the stove vent.

7:07 pm Shut all windows. Bugs were threatening to invade.

7:10 pm Coaxed Snoopy out from under the desk. Picked up, carried around, and smothered him with a million kisses.

7:20 pm Husked, washed, and diced 9 tomatillos. Why 9? Because 1 turned out to be rotten, thanks H-E-B. I just bought that damn tomatillo. Yes…I first put down Snoopy and thoroughly washed my hands. Thanks Mom.

7:30 pm Pulled out a platter of gorgeously roasted tomatoes. Taste test was delicious.

7:35 pm In the largest pot I own, I heated up about ¼ cup olive oil with 2 tablespoons of butter on medium heat. Tossed in the large amount of onion and garlic. Added 1 teaspoon of salt and grated about ¼ teaspoon black pepper. Stirred together and started to sauté (cook).

7:40 pm Added tomatillos to the pot. Kept stirring. My arm may fall off today.

7:41 pm After washing, chopped up about ½ cup of FRESH cilantro. I bought 1 bushel and chopped it – simple as that.

7:46 pm Finally, I can look at the peppers without glaring at them. Since they were now cool, I sliced them in half, removed the seeds, and madly chopped them up (evidently I was still pissed off).

7:51 pm Realized I forgot to peel off the burned part off the peppers before chopping. AHHHHH! Started laughing…and then crying.If you are counting, that was meltdown number 2 of the night. After sterilizing my hands for the millionth time, I sorted and removed each individual piece of burned skin from the chopped peppers. Fun times. Vowed never to make chili…again.

8:05 pm Chopped the roasted tomatoes. Another taste test. Yummy.

8:09 pm Onions are now translucent.

8:10 pm Added cilantro, peppers, tomatoes, 1 teaspoon cumin, 1 tablespoon oregano, 3 15.5 ounce cans of Great Northern beans (with juice), 2 cups low sodium organic chicken stock, 2 chicken bouillon cubes, and another 1 teaspoon of salt plus ¼ teaspoon black pepper. Stirred up mixed and turned to medium low.

8:15 pm Now to the star of the dish, the chicken. Removed the skin, pull the breast away from the bone, confirmed no tiny bones were in the meat, and chopped into large chunks. Best moment of the night. The chicken was so beautiful I almost cried. Yes, again.

8:20 pm Dumped the chicken into the pot. Stirred up ingredients. Cranked the heat back up to medium (or medium high) until the soup-looking concoction started to boil. Turned the heat back down to a simmer (medium low) and put on the lid.

So…tired… but still stirring occasionally.

9:00 pm Turned heat to low to a slow simmer.

10:00 pm Are we done yet? NO! Not getting thick enough. Stirred in 1 tablespoon of cornstarch at a time (did 5 tablespoons). Kept simmering.

10:30 pm NOW could turn off heat. Let cool. Wow, it tasted A-MA-ZING! I am so awesome it’s sometimes scary. Started doing a victory dance in the kitchen. Michael Jackson moonwalk style. Oh it happened.

11:00 pm Poured chili into the slow cookers’s removable ceramic bowl (Cuisinart 6.5-Quart Programmable Slow Cooker) and wrapped in several layers of foil. Cleared space in fridge for enormous pot of chili.

11:05 pm Face-planted into bed. Passed out immediately.

Tuesday, the day of the competition

5:15 am Wanted to kill the alarm. It was lucky it was an application on my brand new phone.

7:30 am Transported chili carefully to the fridge at work (Many thanks to my awesome friend and co-worker Danny). Worry about dropping chili gone. Pissed off several co-workers by relocating lunches.

8:30 am After reading and re-reading the slow cooker’s manual, I (uh…Danny) moved the chili to the cafeteria. Removed foil and turned on HIGH (210 degrees) with the help of my newly purchased 12 foot extension cord. Nervously checked and stirred chili every 30 minutes.

10:30 am Whew! Sigh of relief. The chili is heating up. Turned to LOW (200 degrees).

12:30 pm Oh my god…30 MINUTES UNTIL JUDGING! Final taste test. Perfect!!! Turned to Simmer (185 degrees).

1:00 pm The moment we’ve all been waiting for…the judging. 9 chilis. 3 judges. 1 freaked out and excited Me.

Turns out the chili to my left, a delicious and smoky flavored 3 meat, 2 bean, and 5 pepper chili, won the competition. I knew a white chili probably wouldn’t have a chance to win a chili cook-off in Texas, but there is one thing that made it all worthwhile. 1 of the 3 judges asked for my chili recipe. GLORIOUS! She loved it…along with my fellow co-workers who devoured my chili creation. As a cook, I believe the best compliment you could receive is for someone to ask for your recipe. That single request far exceeds any trophy I could win and makes up for all the fanning, crying, kicking, and screaming that I did over the last 18 hours. I’m not sure if I will ever make almost 2 gallons of chili again, but to say the least…it definitely made it worth the all the effort!